I spend countless hours online these days, searching for a new home in NJ, poring over the listings, memorizing floor plans. I eliminate the weird (turrets?) and the ridiculously priced ($6 million? Sugar Daddy says no.), but even then each house I find seems to have a fatal flaw of some sort. There’s one particular street with three homes for sale in our old hometown. My husband recommended I get familiar with them, but every time I read the name of the street–a lovely name under normal circumstances–it didn’t sit right with me. So, I did what every girl with an unexplainable gut feeling does–I googled. The name of the street sent off an inner alarm because seven years ago, one of the homes was the scene of a horrific murder. I remember reading the news articles and trying to commit the name of the street to memory in case we decided to move one day, and I made the mistake of looking at this home. Fatal flaw, indeed.
This very same home is now for sale, and while I have zero confidence in my ability to remember such things, I have an increasing confidence in my intuition. We live in an age of googling and twenty-four hour information, which makes it easy to dismiss our instincts, our gut, our spirit-man. We forget that God works in our innermost being, that He still speaks and guides us by His Spirit because who needs the Spirit when my people on twitter will tell me what to do?
We are subservient cynics and we make information our king. We allow others to manufacture mystery on tv screens and we sit comfortable on our sofas surrounded by our fatal flaws and we gorge ourselves on them. What if we believed, truly believed in the Spirit speaking today? What if we trusted the still small voice, the late night dream, the prayer time vision? If I believe in the prophets, in dream tellers and vision seekers and doves that alight and donkeys that speak and men that walk on water and miracles and the dead rising again, then I have to believe God is still in the business of mystery today.
There remain a great many conundrums and secrets to this faith. This does not bother me. I don’t need all the answers to my questions, but I do need to know I am loved and created for a purpose by a God who has all the answers–even if He doesn’t divulge them to me. I appreciate a little mystery, it fuels my imagination and helps me dream and think bigger than I might ever do if I had all the information. I know He speaks deep down in my gut, I know sometimes He reveals the secrets–the path to walk or the situation to avoid. I don’t know how, but I know by listening to my intuition, by dreaming dreams, and attending to visions–He speaks. My job is to listen.
“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” ~Deuteronomy 29:29