Home to nest

I take a lesson in Pilates once a week. I love it. I’m not particularly good at it, but it’s good for me. It stretches out all the places that I spend most of the week pulling tight. A few weeks ago, the instructor mentioned that another of her clients asked if she does the same routine with everyone, a sort of ‘one size fits all’ approach. She laughed and said no, that would be impossible. She has one client who is a ballerina, one who has done pilates for years, one who is an athlete, etc. I kept waiting for her to mention me, ‘one who does laundry and wipes dirty noses’, but she didn’t. She said, ‘I told him that you have different needs than the ballerina, you run marathons’.

Apparently, I was the athlete in this scenario. A runner, yes, but athlete? That’s like calling what I do in the kitchen on a nightly basis cooking. I can not begin to tell you how ridiculous that sounds to my ears, and also to the ears of anyone who has ever seen me attempt sportage of any kind. I mentioned it to my husband. He said, ‘Well, you have run three marathons and one half. I think it’s safe to say you’ve earned the title.’ And I thought, is that possible? Is it possible that I can look beyond my past, to the evidence of my present, and own this? And surprisingly, the answer came back a resounding yes. I think I can. I believe I might have the sore muscles, ribboned medals, and worn out running shoes to prove it.

We’ve talked about this before, this idea of being named, of calling ourselves who and what we are, and of listening to the voice of Truth. I’ve spent far too much time waiting for someone to call things out of me, when I know them to be Truth in my heart. I haven’t given enough thought to the fact that I am always in a process of becoming. We all are. Maybe I’ve always been an athlete. Maybe with each word laid, I am becoming a writer. Maybe I am learning to see like an artist. Maybe I’m all the things I’ve wanted to be, and I need to have the courage to speak the truth and call these gifts out of hiding.

I’ve been circling around these ideas for a while now. I read and journal and pray about them. I look at what others are saying and it resonates deeply. But, I feel like I’m still looking for the magic key that will unlock the art in me, the one that will allow me to stop circling and come home to nest. One of these days I hope to find it.

I’ve asked before, and I’ll ask again. For those of you who find yourself still wondering, searching, hoping to unlock the hidden things: What do you know to be true? What do you wish to be called?